Chapter 159: Boomerang
Chapter 158 – Boomerang
Arthur stepped out of the room as the roar of the Red Devil came like a wave.
It was a good thing that he had gotten very used to the guy’s occasional tendency to have fits, so he didn’t really take it to heart.
Once out of the door, Arthur went straight to a door at the end of the corridor, which was Elder’s room.
Before he could walk over and knock on the door, however, he saw Darwin come out of the next room, and Rev. Cambridge gently snapped the door to the second-floor lavatory and called out from outside, “Alexander, are you well?”
Dumas’ lazy voice came from inside, “Charles, what’s the matter? I expect it’ll be a while yet.”
Darwin said helplessly, “Didn’t you say you were good at making friends with the ladies? That boy Elder took it seriously. So he asked me to come and ask you if you could, for the sake of his asking you not to be angry with him for taking you to the theater, stop being mad at him, and when you’re not busy, by the way, teach him exactly how to approach a woman of his choice.”
No sooner had Darwin’s words finished than he heard Dumas’ voice lilting through the restroom, “Charles, I’m sorry. Please tell him for me that I’m in the middle of a full-on bathroom break right now, and due to the limitations of my abilities, the most I can do is to give my full attention to dealing with a pile of poop.”
Darwin cried and laughed, “If I really replied to him like that, he would have to strangle me. As you know, the kid just couldn’t wipe his face and apologize to you, but he has already assured me that he won’t make any more jokes about your nationality and identity.”
But when Dumas heard this, he continued to speak unforgivingly, “Charles, you don’t understand. He went too far this time, he actually said that I was changed from a monkey.”
Arthur, who wandered over to the side, heard this and couldn’t help but open his mouth to condemn, “This is indeed too much! Elder is simply engaging in academic plagiarism!”
Dumas in the restroom heard Arthur agree with him and couldn’t help but grumble along, “Right? Arthur, aren’t you a policeman? Shouldn’t Elder be put in the station for this kind of behavior several times over? After all, you Scotland Yard even arrests parade workers for blocking the road, there’s no reason to let a guy like Elder, who clogs up his brain circuits, get away with it!”
Arthur knew that this was Dumas using Elder’s matter to shade him for suppressing the workers’ march, but what he did was what he did, and he didn’t intend to explain much, anyway, even if he did explain Dumas might not believe it.
Rather than stating a reason, Arthur preferred to sneer back, “I’m sorry, Alexander, Scotland Yard is different from the French military police, and we won’t be idly trying two donkeys.”
Surprisingly, just after Arthur’s words, not waiting for Dumas to open his mouth to retaliate, on the contrary, it was Darwin who was curious first.
He scratched his ‘little Mediterranean’ and opened his mouth to ask: “Would the French really try a donkey?”
Arthur nodded and said, “As far as I know, the French did try at least one donkey. It didn’t happen particularly far back in time, just in 1750 in the last century, a Frenchman named Jacques Ferrand was sued by the Parisian prosecutor for the death penalty of the adulterous couple due to his sexual relations with a female donkey.
But it was well that the parish priest came forward in time, and the priest confirmed the donkey’s good character, saying that he had known her for four years, that she was a virtuous and cultured animal, and that she had never created any gossip for anyone.
So the court finally sentenced Jacques Ferrand to be burned at the stake, and the donkey was discharged from the court, for the reason that, on the testimony of the priest, the judge found that it had not voluntarily participated in the crime.”
Darwin couldn’t help but let out a long breath when he heard this, “Thank God, that does sound like a sensible sentence.”
Who knew that when Dumas heard this, he couldn’t help but speak in annoyance, “It’s just a trial of a donkey, what’s so surprising about that? Don’t think you’re the only one who knows about these things, I’m a novelist, and I also like to collect these strange news!
As far as I know, Basel, Switzerland once sentenced an egg-laying rooster to death by fire for violating the laws of nature established by God.
In Italy, a mole was prosecuted for ‘digging and destroying crops’, and because the mole failed to appear in court three times in a row, he was finally sentenced to deportation, but in view of the mole’s young age, on the advice of the mole’s defense attorney, the court granted him 14 days’ grace for execution.
And I seem to recall that you Brits tried a monkey once, didn’t you? That trial seems to have been very recent, and would have taken place in the latter part of the Napoleonic Wars.”
As soon as Dumas said this, Arthur instantly had the feeling that he was being pushed into a corner; the smile was gone from his face, and even his tone became more serious.
“Alexander, are you sure you must mention that incident?”
When Dumas heard Arthur’s words, he thought he had the advantage, and he said disdainfully, “Arthur, didn’t you just boast that England is more civilized than France? But in the end, most of the animal trials in other countries took place in the Middle Ages, but yours in England took place more than ten years ago.”
Arthur warned again, “Alexander, it is for your own good that I do not mention that case! You must realize that the courts in England usually decide cases based on past precedents!”
Dumas sniffed a bit angrily, “Arthur, what do you mean by that? Do you think I have any similarities with that monkey on trial, so it’s worthwhile for the judge to bring up that case as a precedent reference?” “No, Alexander, of course you are more civilized than the monkey. But ……”
“But what?”
Arthur said helplessly, “But according to the archived volumes, the monkey condemned to be burned at the stake spoke French just as well.”
Only a flushing sound was heard, followed by the lavatory door being slowly pushed open.
Dumas was standing in the doorway, cracking his pompadour, “Arthur, do you think I’m going to believe your bullshit?”
Arthur wasn’t offended either, “Alexander, if you knew the actual facts of the case you wouldn’t think I was lying to you.
As you know, it was the time of the Napoleonic wars, and the monkey was the only survivor of a wrecked French ship that swam from nearby waters to Hartlepool.
But the locals generally thought it gibbered like French and decided it must be a French spy.
After much deliberation, the local judge eventually found the monkey guilty of espionage and hanged it on the beach.
So, do you still think I’m hoodwinking you now?”
Hearing this, Dumas couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “You Englishmen are really sick one after another, how on earth did you recognize the monkey as a French spy? Could it be that the English can’t even recognize the difference between humans and monkeys?”
Arthur smiled and spoke apologetically, “Sorry, Alexander, this is Charles’ business now. If you are troubled about this, please go to him for advice. I don’t know exactly how Charles got monkeys and people involved.”
Darwin sniffed and grumbled, “Arthur, how many times are you going to make me say it? It’s true that I’m a Lamarckian, but that doesn’t mean I think there’s any connection between monkeys and people.”
But Arthur didn’t take Darwin’s protests to heart, and instead spoke at Dumas, “By the way, how are you getting on with the finished manuscript anyway? To-morrow will be General Codrington’s banquet, and if you are not properly prepared, don’t blame me for not having given you a chance to make a name for yourself in London.”
Dumas sniffed and confidently slapped his chest, “Don’t worry, I ……”
Before he finished his words, he saw Elder scurrying out of the side room with a manuscript in his hands, and while he was walking, he read into the manuscript, “Learning is not the same as recognizing, there is a difference between a learned man and a man who can recognize, memory creates the former, philosophy creates the latter. Damn! Alexander, you’re really satirizing me in a book? Are you implying that I am the former?”
Arthur, Dumas & Darwin looked at each other, and all three said almost in unison, “Elder, I think you’re overthinking it. Everyone thinks you are neither the former nor the latter.”
Elder frowned at his words, “What do you three mean? You guys are jealous of me!”
Dumas nonchalantly snatched the manuscript back from Elder’s hand and pointed to a sentence on it, “I am not so blind as to be jealous of you; even if I were to set aside some statements specifically to ridicule others, they would be reserved for our Mr. Arthur Hastings, just like this one.”
Arthur looked down, and saw that it was plainly written-a police officer clad in ribbons is no longer a human being; he becomes deaf, dumb, and cold as a statue of the law. Repeating empty legalese as if he were actually exercising justice.
When Arthur saw this, he just laughed as he spoke, “There are no people in politics, only thoughts, no emotions, only stakes. Even if you kill someone in politics, you can’t say you’ve killed a person, that’s just removing an obstacle.”
When Dumas heard this, his gaze turned a little cold, “When did you become like this?”
Arthur pursed his lips and took a breath, he stared into Dumas’ eyes and said seriously, “Alexander, this is not something I said.”
Dumas couldn’t help but sneer at his words, “Did you? Then what cold-hearted son of a bitch actually said that?”
Arthur smiled in embarrassment, “Alexander, you might want to give yourself some leeway with your words in the future. I’m sorry to inform you that that son of a bitch will, in all likelihood, be yourself.”
(End of chapter)